Recently, Tiktoker and mom @WatchingAlicia uploaded a video of her dropping her child off at an after-hours daycare center and picking her up at 11:55 pm. Once the video made its way to Xitter, it sent the “I babysit my kids,” demographic into an uproar.
While many assumed the woman was going to “get d*ck,” or “thot and bop,” the woman never says where she is going, but she is dressed in shorts, a camisole and her makeup is done.
@watchingalicia ????????????????♀️ #fypシ゚viral #fyp #girlmom #daughter #momsoftiktok #parenting #momlife ♬ BAILEYS SOUND – Me!
While no one had smoked for the father, there was so much smoke for a woman leaving her children in the care of licensed professionals, also while making harsh assumptions about her life and lifestyle, with a 35-second video as their study guide. Her child is at the center for two hours. TWO HOURS, and somehow that is neglectful. The Tiktoker also mentioned that it gives her a break, but also that her child likes going. Oh no, not both of them benefiting.
There is this incessant need to use children to humble women and leave them sedentary. If you don’t have children by a certain age, something is wrong with you. If you have too many children, something is wrong with you; if you are no longer with the person you had children with, despite whatever issues they may have, something is wrong with you; if your child loves their stepparent too much, something is wrong with you (Ciara).
Women are not seen as autonomous beings because our worth is deduced by who comes in and out of our bodies. Our value is in how we wife and how we mother, and both have very strict policies on what is and what isn’t acceptable behavior.
For mothers, having fun, which does not include arts and crafts projects with their children, is a faux pas.
People are quick to say that children need community, and praise the value of socialization, and then turn around and become angry when a mother uses her community resources. If a woman is a mother, she cannot be another. Women are not allowed to have my time or go anywhere without a guilt trip. Inversely, there is not nearly as much pushback against fathers who ask for their own personal space or who retreat to their “man caves” to take time away from their wives and children. A woman’s time is to be shared; a man’s time is to be spared. So many partnered women work the same amount of hours as men and then come home and do a lion’s share of the household work, including the childrearing. Women are not machines and even machines break down without proper maintenance.
Me-time is maintenance.
How many times have we heard of new mothers just wanting a nap or a shower? Two of the risk factors for postpartum psychosis or depression are not having support or rest. How can someone be a strong mother with a weak body? How can she power through all the difficulties of being a mother without power? We understand how vacations replenish and recharge us, hell we understand how one day off work can do this; mothering is a fulltime job where vacation time and PTO are only acceptable for those who can afford nannies. When granny is watching that baby, there is much less pushback (as long as she doesn’t do it too much, and not because of sparring Granny either), but God forbid a woman pay a facility of trained professionals, who are also under surveillance and supervision, to watch her child and somehow she’s an irresponsible woman. I guess the semi-acceptable thing would be to leave the child with any family, even though child abuse is more likely to occur with someone the child is related to.
While I am not saying child abuse cannot occur in a daycare facility, because it absolutely does, 34% of child sex abuse is perpetrated by a family member. However, both aren’t viewed as acceptable. If the woman is going outside for reasons other than work or school, just one is worse than the other.
@watchingalicia ????????????♀️ #fypシ゚viral #fyp #girlmom #daughter #momsoftiktok #parenting #momlife ♬ BAILEYS SOUND – Me!
Many people, especially millennials, are having fewer children and part of the reason is that there is little support. Childcare, in general, is exorbitant. Especially when you consider the current wage and housing crises. Shaming mothers, especially single mothers, for having any modicum of fun without their children is not supportive or productive and does not add anything valuable to their situation.
PEOPLE need childcare. Whether it is for school, work, or fun, people need it.
Parenthood is absolutely a sacrifice, which is why more people are opting out, but a parent’s life does not end when their child’s life begins. Motherhood is not a punishment and should not be seen as existing without the nuance of other happenings in her life. Motherhood should not be a depressing existence. If it takes a village to raise a child, that also means it takes a village to support the mother.
