For tweens, body image is a big deal, and it’s a sensitive time when they can become super self-conscious about their changing bodies. You would think that in a logical world, they would never consider taking revealing photos of themselves and sending them to others. But, sadly, that’s not the case.
A recent study published by the Journal of Adolescent Health found that around one-third of young people are into sexting. They discovered that between the ages of 11 and 21, about 19% have sent a sexual message or image, while 35% have received one. Approximately 15% have even forwarded a sext without getting consent.
These numbers suggest that while it may be a smaller percentage of middle schoolers overall who are engaging in this behavior, it’s happening at a younger age than parents might expect. Chances are, it’s happening at your tween’s school too.
What’s more, the research also reveals that kids these days are doing a lot of flirting online. It turns out that texting and sharing photos have become the new way for them to start and maintain romantic relationships. However, the critical part of the problem is that most of them are learning about it from their peers and the internet, so they don’t really know how to handle it properly.
Because of this, some kids might think that sexting is just a normal part of being interested in someone. They might also feel pressured to do it by the other person or their friends. It’s a tricky situation because some kids might find the idea intriguing, while others might struggle to say no when asked to send explicit texts or photos.
Not My Baby!
Most of us would think that our tween, who still has a child-like innocence, isn’t ready for any sexy texting. And we’d be right, no doubt. We might even believe that talking to them about sexting isn’t necessary. But, that doesn’t mean they aren’t doing it. The truth is, by middle school, most kids already know about it. They might know who in their class has done it, have seen racy photos of other kids, and might have even sent some themselves.
It’s worth noting that experts have found that tweens and teens who share nude photos of themselves may not necessarily be motivated by sexual desires or fully understand why someone would ask for such pictures. For them, the root cause of exchanging photos is mostly about getting “Liked” or not “Liked”, imitating what they see online or exploring intimacy in what they perceive as a safe space.
“A lot of teenagers use imagery to seek validation,” says Brisa Ayub, a Senior Content Producer for Common Sense Education, a nonprofit organization that provides resources to help students, teachers and school communities learn digital life skills. “The desire for peer validation is completely developmentally appropriate. This is a generation that grew up on a media diet loaded with objectifying imagery.”
Reduce Risks, Inspire Responsible Choices
When it comes to kids and sexting, specialists say there’s no quick fix to prevent it completely. While there are tools available like Bark and Visr that can help parents monitor explicit content, they aren’t foolproof anymore. Kids are using various messaging apps that can make it challenging for parents to stay on top of everything. But in the end, you don’t necessarily need a fancy technical solution; good old-fashioned conversation can make a big difference.
According to Jen Hanley, the Legal and Policy Director for the Family Online Safety Institute, it’s important to check if your kid knows about the topic. After that, make sure to explain it clearly: “Sexting is when people send each other text messages about sex or photos of their bodies or parts of their bodies.” Hanley also suggests that discussing any incidents that may have occurred in their school can alter the conversation, so it is recommended to initiate the discussion with simple dialogue about respect and responsibility.
Consider these talking points from Corrine Masur, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist in private practice:
- “You may know people already who do this. Someone might have already sent you a sext and you might have thought about sending one to someone else, or you might have already done this. But before you send a sext, there are some things you might want to think about. What are your limits? How much of this do you feel comfortable doing? And you need to think about whether this is the way you want to portray yourself.”
- “I want you to think about something that not everybody thinks about, and this includes adults (politicians, even!). Once you have sent out a text or a sext, it’s out there forever. Even on Instagram. Even on Snapchat. People can share it, people can screenshot it. And you may not like what happens when other people see your text or photo. You need to think about this every time you send out a text – before you hit send. Ask yourself, “how will I feel if people other than the person I’m sending this to see it?”
- “Always remember, once you send out a text, you lose control over it. At least one-fourth of all sexts get shared without the sender’s permission.”
Steer clear of these traps:
- “You can get in legal trouble for sending out photos of your body.”
- “Your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend is going to end someday and then your ex may share what you have sent to him/her.”
When we give kids warnings like this, it can sometimes have the opposite effect. They might think, “Oh, that won’t happen to me,” and then they may tune out of the conversation.
Masur also points out that discussing sexting with your kids shouldn’t be a one-time thing. It can actually bring up a whole range of other topics that can benefit your child in multiple ways. For instance, it can teach them how to express interest in someone in a positive manner, communicate effectively in relationships, and set and talk about their personal boundaries and comfort zones in any type of connection, whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship.
