For us adults, grief is a natural response to change, death and imminent loss. It can be overwhelming, frightening, and even make us question if we’re grieving “the right way.”
Our children are no different. They, too, experience grief, but child psychologists say that since kids are still developing mentally, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually, their reactions might be hard for us to understand. Research from the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry in 2020 revealed that approximately 4.5 million children will experience the loss of a parent before they reach 18. In addition, the COVID-19 pandemic has further amplified this issue, particularly among Black and Latino youth, per the National Library of Medicine. As a result, more parents and caregivers are seeking the advice of mental health professionals to determine if their child is grieving healthily or if therapy would be beneficial.
Psychologists also note that grief is a personal journey; there are no “right or wrong” methods to process it. Each child mourns in their own unique way and different factors can affect their reactions. Things like individual coping methods, the circumstances surrounding the death, and the support they receive from their family can all play a role. In fact, a recent review emphasizes just how much parents and caregivers can shape a child’s grieving process, so when support is lacking, children are more vulnerable to developing issues like depression, anxiety, substance use, or problems with schoolwork.
Even with support from family, some kids might need extra help dealing with their grief and adjusting to life without their loved ones around, but sometimes parents and caregivers just aren’t sure if a grieving child should go to counseling. With this in mind, pediatric psychiatrists say that it’s important to know the risk factors to ensure that kids who are grieving get the right support they need when they need it and avoid more pain later on.
Developmental Regressions
Developmental regressions can be one of the first signs that a young child could use some extra support after the loss of a loved one. Symptoms include big changes in their sleep, language, or eating habits, as well as trouble separating from adult caregivers. For instance, you might notice that your child is waking up a lot during the night, climbing into your bed every night, losing their appetite, being extra clingy, or getting teary when they have to be away from you.
Deep Pining Over the Deceased
Another important sign to look out for is if your little one has an intense longing for the person who passed away. This can make it hard for them to take part in everyday activities, like going to school or playing with friends. You might also see behaviors like their crying themselves to sleep and waking up in tears, feeling really tired or irritable, or losing interest in things they used to enjoy.
Preoccupation with Death
Although bereaved children may feel upset about their loved one’s absence, they may also become fixated on the death itself. They might constantly worry about how the person died or feel guilty for not being able to save them. This level of concern can manifest as ongoing questions about the circumstances of the death, a strong urge to revisit the place where it happened, where they last saw the person, or feelings of shame and remorse.
Risky Behavior
Risk-taking behaviors in adolescents, particularly those involving dangerous activities like substance abuse, reckless driving, and other dangerous actions, are common and are often used as a coping mechanism for dealing with grief. However, children who are mourning may display other worrisome behaviors such as social withdrawal, aggression and self-harm.
Feelings of Numbness and Extreme Avoidance
If a child is having a tough time thinking or talking about someone who has passed away, it could be a sign of posttraumatic stress. They might also try to avoid anything that reminds them of that person or how they died, like staying away from certain places or things. You might notice that they’re unable to experience emotions or may feel disconnected from their feelings whenever the deceased person is mentioned.
The Final Takeaway
According to experts, every child experiences grief differently, and there is no specific timeframe for the grieving process. However, they warn that if any of the behaviors mentioned above continue for more than six months after the loss, interfere with daily life, or are accompanied by self-harm or thoughts of suicide, it is critical for parents and caregivers to seek a professional evaluation from a mental health expert who specializes in grief.
Ultimately, getting help early on can make a big difference for bereaved children. It can help you figure out if they need a referral and how to assist them in navigating their grief. Timely support can also prevent potential mental health problems and help them lead fulfilling lives despite their loss.
Resources:
Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective
But I Don’t Want to Say Goodbye: A Child’s Journey Through Grief by Ta’Shay Mason
