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Women Are Not Required to Dim Themselves for Men to Shine


It seems that menfolk have gone mad this week…again, from Keke Palmer’s baby daddy and Jonah Hill, the theme has been, ‘get a bad b-tch just to humble her and watch how you fumble her.’ The debate about what is a boundary and what is control has gotten all of the Twitter hairs split and people not knowing the difference between what you are owed and what you would like.

Ten years ago, I began dating this guy, and what he lacked in kindness and intellect, he made up in being handsome and….and….and…..I’m trying really hard here. Oh, he wanted stability, I guess. Anywho, he had some rules/dislikes that I should abide by (now, when I look back, I know that relationship would not have even commenced in this current life because I would have looked at him and laughed so hard in his face). Among these rules/dislikes were that he did not like women who were active on social media and in the entertainment industry (an industry I was in when he met me and still am in today). We met on Facebook and he was a professional/semi-professional athlete. Among his other many frivolous demands was that I change my phone number (I did not) so that my exes would not have access to me in the future. 

In 2019, very randomly and unwarrantedly (because we had had no communication in years), he entered my Instagram DMs after having perused my page, including where I lament the death of my cousin and went to a post where I made a sexual joke. He then DM’d me said post and asked if I remembered what he tasted like (salty). His profile picture was of him and his new baby. As far as I know, he and the mother are still together. 

When I heard of Jonah Hill’s most recent HEnanigans, the story of my ex immediately came to mind.  Hills’ ex-girlfriend, Sarah Brady, released texts that showed how he wanted her to no longer model, work with men and show pictures of herself in a bathing suit.

She is a 25-year-old model and surf instructor.

While many penis people feel that Hill was simply setting boundaries, asking someone to change the things they like about themselves and the things they appeared to like in the beginning are far from setting boundaries. What those same people are so quiet about is that included in these texts was his liking of the same type of pictures before they were together, which he hated once they were a couple. His texts were merely the presence of narcissism and therapy speak doing the tango.

Telling anyone to kill off who they are just so they can have a life with you is extremely manipulative. 

I feel like men often think of women as intimate objects, sure we speak and move and, unfortunately, emote, but that is so below their radar that our wants and desires are considered nothing but mere fancies until we can find the right man to set us up in a cute little house, leave us barefoot and pregnant, while they go galivanting and enjoying the parts of their lives that don’t include us.

The rules that they implement for others do not apply to them.

While many men claimed it was about modesty, let’s not forget how modest Derrick Jaxn’s wife was and how naked his heaux were too. My ex, knowing that I was not religious, wanted to mandate that I go to church if we were ever to marry.  He had at least three abortions on his roster (by his urging) before we were even together. Many people felt that Keke “Keep A Job” Palmer, an It Girl, an entertainment maven, should have somehow muted her reaction to a show where the whole point is to be over the top and enjoy yourself (I mean because it’s not like married men don’t frequent titty bars), because let Usher sing to me, everyone and their father will know that was the highlight of my life, (including the birth of my children). While he bemoaned her clothing on the internet, the same man was showcasing his baby mama’s body for the whole world to see multiple times within this last year. 

While Jonah asked his surf instructor girlfriend to cover up, he loved those same types of pictures before they were dating, while Jason asked me to not be on the internet, he surely didn’t mind meeting me that way, while he hated that I was in the entertainment industry, one of us has a Wikipedia and it ain’t me…yet

The expectation that women should make a hard pivot in their lives simply because they are with a man now is such an entitled view of self; if women were made to serve men, God would have given us the bigger hands. 

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