Tory Lanez Image credit: ShutterStock

Protecting Black Men Should Not Come at the Expense of Black Women


I have thankfully never been shot, but I have had the person whom I thought I once loved—once lived with and even once wanted to start a family with—attempt to violently run me off the road. This year, I was informed that he married the woman who pulled him off me later that same day. At his arraignment, I fought to have his charges reduced because a once genius young Black man, who had been affected by almost as much trouble as he caused me, didn’t deserve to be thrown into a system that swallows lives whole.

It was not the first time he hit me—nowhere near—but it was the last. It also was not the first time he had been jailed for domestic assault and was not the last, according to his new bride and several police reports from other women. There are many things which occurred that I attempt to block out of my memory, but sometimes things get through. One of those things was when he went to jail for the first domestic charge. I ended up with a knot on my head and a bruise about half the size of my hand on my leg, which lasted six months. It was from a mini fridge being thrown at me. I remember the embarrassment of that bruise and how a coworker knew exactly how I got it without me uttering a word. I also remember my boyfriend at the time stating that he should’ve really beaten my ass for sending him to jail, that his other friends beat their girlfriends worse and those women didn’t seek justice and so, therefore, I was disloyal for calling the police.

Imagine someone committing to loving you, beating and cheating on you, and somehow you get the label of disloyalty. 

Recently, singer Tory Lanez was sentenced to 10 years in prison for shooting Megan Thee Stallion and it sent the internet into a tizzy. One of the main complaints was that 10 years in prison was too harsh of a punishment. Now, in all fairness, the justice system absolutely has the propensity for going ham on Black men, but clearly, Black men have not all always been the kindest to Black women in unison, and that often gets overlooked. People were legitimately upset that someone who shot someone received 10 years in prison. 

Isn’t this the get it back in blood generation? Isn’t this the same generation that turns a blind eye to revenge?  

What has been most baffling is the stars coming out to support Tory. Now listen, I am absolutely sure he has real friends in the music industry, but aren’t some of those people Meg’s friends as well?

I’m talking to you DaInfant!

Watching people like Iggy Azalea, who built her entire career on the commodification of Black features, physically and musically, while donning a Blaccent to cover her thick Australian mother tongue, cry over her boyfriend who left her high and dry while pregnant, and she claims abused her, then turn around and pen a several page letter to the judge in support of Tory Lanez, is almost as astounding as a white woman donning herself “the new classic,” of rap music. And all the harm done to Black women in and outside of the industry I have never seen her speak out about.

The thin line between wishing your friend didn’t have to go to prison for 10 years and knowing he deserved, it becomes very muddled. Drake, who wrote an unprovoked line in one of his songs about the situation, liked one of Tory’s recent posts, where he stands on his own innocence. I am not saying don’t support your friend that is serving 10 years in prison, but liking his post where he vehemently denies any wrongdoing is not simply supporting your friend, it’s supporting the idea that it is ok to harm Black women.

Can’t you just send some money for the commissary?

This morning, I saw a video of Sexyy Red talking about being sexually assaulted. Her interviewers, one of whom was rapper Lil Yachty, essentially laughed it off. Harm to Black women is so often par for the course that it seems even comical to mention, I guess. So, when it comes to any serious infraction, it is seen as something we should accept as the norm or even laugh off.  I would seriously like to know what people think is the appropriate punishment for shooting someone?

Megan attempted to protect her once friend and it didn’t go well. I used to speed type for a bank at night and was the fastest in the department of over 60 people. I lost my job the day of my ex’s arraignment because I was tardy traveling back. Three years prior, I lost the same speed typing job at another bank because my thumb became too swollen for me to type. My thumb was injured when I got thrown on the floor by that same person. I literally lost my job trying to protect someone that thought abusing me was his job.

I absolutely agree that Black men need to be protected but I do not agree that protection should come at the expense of harming Black women. 

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