Twitter has not been the same since Elon Musk has taken the helm. Without regard to hate speech, Elon has allowed some of the more nefarious Twitter users, who had been previously banned from the app, to return.
People like Donald Trump, Kanye West and Marjorie Taylor Green were all put out to pasture, for very good reason, until Elon regurgitated them back onto the internet. I feel like I’m forgetting someone; oh, that’s right, Andrew Tate was allowed back as well. If you’ve never heard of Andrew Tate, consider yourself fortunate. Emory Andrew Tate is a racially ambiguous, follicularly challenged 30-something who dates barely-post pubescent women (since they’re easier to “make an imprint on”), describes women as property and is open about employing the use of domestic violence.
He isn’t some fringe star, either.
His videos have billions of views and he was the most googled name in July of 2022. He has a legion of horny fanboys who can’t get laid because they are anti-shower and have the personalities of wet cardboard, and Andrew makes them feel seen. Andrew Tate is basically if Kevin Samuels and Satan had a baby.
Meanwhile, somewhere minding her business and trying to save the world literally, 19-year-old climate change activist, Greta Thunberg, was somehow a target of Tate’s indiscriminate ire. Tate, in a bid to show off his gas-guzzling 33 sports cars that serve as a security blanket to his fragile masculinity, tweets, “Please provide your email address so I can send a complete list of my car collection and their respective enormous emissions.” Thunberg, well aware of global warming, burned his ass with her response of “Yes, please do enlighten me. Email me at smalldickenergy@getalife.com.” The tweet has garnered over 3 million likes because, apparently, a lot of us agree.
Tate, a man never to let someone from his dating pool demographic, including age, upstage him, uploads a video response.
He was pissed.
In his video, he sits in a red Versace robe, with his titillated nipples waiting to make an accidental appearance. He takes a sweet swallow of a phallic-shaped cigar and begins with, “releasing greenhouse gases.” Before his mantrum really takes off, he directs someone off camera to, “please bring me pizza, and uhh make sure that these boxes aren’t recycled,”-an obvious and very weird dig at Greta’s activism. He starts back into his response about how he is mad at Greta, spewing nonsense about a global matrix and Greta being brainwashed, and the sun is hot, and blah blah blah, all while his Jerry’s Pizza boxes sit waiting with his just desserts inside.
Jerry’s Pizza is a popular Romanian pizza chain; the boxes in the video were allegedly what clued in Romanian authorities to Tate’s presence in the country. Tate had been under investigation since April 2022. Andy, his brother Tristan and two others were arrested because they “appear to have created an organized crime group with the purpose of recruiting, housing and exploiting women by forcing them to create pornographic content meant to be seen on specialized websites for a cost,” according to Romanian prosecutors.
Andrew and his brother were charged with human trafficking, rape and organized crime-and all it took was two boxes of pizza to bring two full brothers, who are only half-brothers, down.
Tate is facing 15-20 years in prison. If Greta has her way, the world will still be around when he gets out. Andrew should’ve taken his own directive to women and just shut up, but he had to have the last word in a fight that he initiated. He couldn’t just take his ‘L’ and go. Luckily for Andrew, I am sure they’ll have tons of meat lovers in prison.
Greta Thunberg, climate activist, saving us from noxious hot air, one asshole at a time.
