The holiday season is often seen as a time of joy and celebration, filled with laughter, family gatherings, and cherished traditions. Many of us look forward to it all year long, but for some who have recently lost a loved one, this time of year can feel extremely overwhelming and filled with sorrow.
This is especially true for children who may struggle to understand their feelings of sadness amid the festive atmosphere. For bereaved parents, the challenge is even greater. They may find themselves torn between navigating their own grief and wanting to honor the memory of their loved one, and trying to engage in the holiday spirit for the sake of their children.
Tomorrow is National Children’s Grief Awareness Day. It is observed annually on the third Thursday of November —the Thursday before Thanksgiving. This day isn’t just about awareness; it’s an opportunity for families, educators, and communities to come together and provide the necessary support to help children handle their feelings of loss during a season often filled with celebration and togetherness.
At The Hub, we believe that it is the perfect moment to honor this special cause and reflect on a few of the constructive ways that allow our children to feel a sense of normalcy while honoring the person they lost. Ahead are tips from child experts to help a grieving child experience some joy and create new and positive memories this holiday season.
1. Show that you respect your child’s feelings and points of view.
It’s important to remember that each child may process grief differently. Some might express a desire to talk openly about their loss while others may withdraw and avoid discussions altogether.
The holidays can also amplify feelings of sadness and longing for children when cherished traditions are turned into painful triggers of what is missing. For example, a child may feel overwhelmed at the thought of decorating for the holidays, an activity that once brought joy when shared with the deceased loved one.
Offering a safe space for your child to process their feelings—whether they want to reminisce about the past or prefer to remain silent—can help them cope with their grief.
2. It’s okay to express a little sadness in front of your child.
It’s completely fine to feel anxious about showing sadness in front of our children. Although some of us may fear it might upset them or make them more distressed about their own feelings, demonstrating our emotions can actually be incredibly beneficial to us and our kids.
When you allow your child to see you feeling sad or even crying, you are teaching them an important lesson about the human experience: that it’s okay to express emotions, even the tough ones, when dealing with loss.
Grief is a complex journey; and showing your vulnerability can help your child understand that sadness is a normal part of life, especially after losing someone dear.
3. Ask your child how they would like to remember their special person during the holiday season.
When the holidays arrive, it can be a bittersweet time for families who have lost a loved one, but involving your child in the remembrance process can be a meaningful way to honor them.
Start by asking your child how they would like to remember their special person during the season. This could lead to some creative and heartfelt ideas, like making a holiday decoration that features photos of their loved one or writing a letter to place in the deceased person’s stocking. It can allow your little one to express their feelings and keep the memory alive.
You might also consider letting your child set a place at the dinner table for the empty chair, symbolizing that the loved one is still part of the family gathering in spirit, or baking a favorite cookie recipe that the special person enjoyed. Both could be purposeful ways to stir up fond memories while creating new ones together.
The key isn’t to only validate your child’s feelings but also teach them the importance of remembering those who have passed away.
4. Don’t neglect your own needs.
Parents and caregivers often become so focused on ensuring their children have a joyful holiday season, they overlook their own well-being. It’s certainly understandable to want to create a happy environment, especially when children are grieving or facing challenges. But it’s crucial to remember that taking care of yourself is equally important.
By prioritizing your own mental and physical health, you not only help yourself but this balance also demonstrates to your child that it’s okay to ask for help. It also shows that self-care is a vital part of overcoming tough times.
5. Know when to seek professional help.
Grief is a natural part of life; and sadness, anger, and confusion are common reactions. Still, they can sometimes become particularly overburdening for children.
Signs that a child might be struggling to cope and is in need of extra support include:
- Prolonged withdrawal from friends and activities
- Changes in sleep or eating habits
- Noticeable decline in school performance.
- Frequently expressing feelings of hopelessness
- Engaging in risky behaviors
Additional Resources:
