It is no mystery that there are inherent challenges that come with being a Black woman. Whether it’s personal obstacles brought on by the legacy of slavery, microaggressions at work or simply trying to figure things out, navigating life can be tough. This is precisely why the notion of embracing a “soft life” is gaining popularity among women. It presents a welcomed respite – a breath of fresh air amidst the relentless pressures we face on a daily basis.
You’ve probably seen it on TikTok – solo date nights, luxurious spa days, shopping sprees and just generally indulging in life’s pleasures are ways to make living feel softer, lighter and more well-rounded. The idea originated in the Nigerian influencer community in 2021 and was all about living a life with less stress and more comfort, but it didn’t stop there. The theory spread quickly and became a call for Black women specifically to let go of the enormous expectation that they have to do it all. They were encouraged to take a gentler approach to life instead of constantly striving to be a business tycoon, fashion trendsetter and a pillar of emotional support for family and friends 24/7.
Like many of the trends we created, the soft life movement transcended our community as well. It sparked a global campaign that prioritized finding balance and self-care by carving out time for yourself and adopting a lifestyle that encourages true happiness. However, it did not come without its critics. Some argue that it promotes a consumerist lifestyle with hefty price tags and unrealistic amounts of effort to sustain.
On the whole, the detractors weren’t entirely wrong. The version of the soft life that was heavily marketed online commanded deep pockets and excessive work. But today, its essence lies in deeper, more meaningful commitments that involve simple methods of striving for a more tranquil, quieter existence. “Ultimately, the biggest benefit of a soft life is generational healing – a powerful legacy to leave for our daughters and beyond,” Delilah Antoinette, founder of Black Girl’s Healing House, a wellness brand designed to connect Black women to culturally competent holistic care, says in a recent interview with The Zoe Report. “It provided balance, peace, and comfort while equipping us with the tools to overcome obstacles and promote personal growth.”
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Living a soft life is about more than just losing oneself in material comforts like bubble baths and shopping. According to Antoinette, it’s intentionally aligning yourself with what brings you inner peace and practicing self-love. By embracing these principles, we afford ourselves the ability to affirm what we don’t want in our lives, make positive changes and create the existence we aspire to have. Although it aims to minimize stress, it doesn’t mean that challenges won’t come our way because, well, that’s just life. It’s also important to bear in mind that finding balance and utilizing the tools to achieve it can look different for everyone.
For energy healer Tinesha Keith, living a soft life means embracing self-care and prioritizing plenty of rest. “It is about valuing one’s mental, emotional, and physical health and seeking balance in all aspects of life,” she tells TZR.
Content creator Ena Bondurant also emphasizes that living a soft life goes beyond superficial practices. “Yes you can light a candle and put on a face mask, but that is just the bare minimum of a soft life,” she explains. “A soft life is healing, enjoying the journey, and romanticizing the positive and the negative. Healing is the first way I partake in the soft life.”
Initiating Faithful Intentions
According to Antoinette, setting true intentions is an incredibly powerful tool for shaping your life. It is also the jumping-off point and core principle of the soft life practice. To get started, she recommends making a list of your goals with specific details. “For instance, if you’re aiming for a job that aligns with your ideal lifestyle, set an intention for one that offers flexibility, minimal stress, a high salary, excellent benefits, and opportunities for growth,” she says.
You can also establish the same process for all other areas of your life.
Fostering Self-Love
Antoinette emphasizes the importance of self-love in soft living. She believes it’s the foundation of everything we do. While practicing self-love will vary for each person, one technique she suggests is repeating positive affirmations daily and keeping track of the positive changes you notice in your life. “Remember, the effects of affirmations take time and effort; things that do not align with your words will naturally fall away, leading to personal growth and healing,” she says.
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Making Self-Care a Priority
Experiencing a softer life is all about prioritizing self-care. For Keith, that means meditating, journaling, and pursuing creative activities. “These activities help me relax, rejuvenate, and reconnect with myself,” she says, adding how it has had a positive impact on her life. It helps her manage stress, reduce anxiety, maintain a positive mindset and improve her overall well-being.
Bondurant’s favorite part of living a soft life is spoiling herself. “Whether it is with a cute date night in, taking myself luxury shopping, or getting in a good workout, it all adds to [the practice].”
Establishing Limits
Soft living deals with what you don’t do as much as what you are willing to do. That’s where setting boundaries comes in. Saying no to anything that does not serve you is critical to your commitment to this way of life. “By asserting my limits and communicating my needs, I ensure that I have time and energy for myself, preventing burnout and maintaining a sense of peace,” says Keith.
She also says that drawing the line has led to more self-consciousness, positive mental health and self-assurance.
Cultivating Healthy Relationships
The people you associate with can significantly impact your overall quality of life. Antoinette and Keith both share the belief in the importance of nurturing a community of like-minded individuals who uplift and support you. “This involves surrounding myself with positive influences, spending quality time with loved ones, and engaging in open and honest communication,” Keith says of how she uses the fundamentals of soft living. “By nurturing these relationships, I create a space for emotional support and connection, which contributes to my overall well-being.”
