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    Hot Assassin Pulls the Plug on CEOs Healthcare

    By Kyla Jenée LaceyDecember 6, 20244 Mins Read
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    Brian Thompson, CEO of UnitedHealthcare. Photograph: United Health Group
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    Earlier this week, the CEO of United Healthcare was no longer covered under his insurance plan after his life was denied.  While on his way to a conference that specializes in how to let people die, he was murdered.  He did not make the investor’s conference. It seems that the gunman traveled all the way to New York via the Greyhound Bus to pew-pew the CEO; now, if that ain’t out-of-network, what is? 

    The words “delay,” “deny,” and “depose” were found on shell casings, leading the very astute NYPD investigators to conclude that those words may have had something to do with the murder, especially since they are similar to the Three D’s of Insurance, delay, deny, defend. They have also released surveillance footage of the assailant, and according to news reports, bystanders in New York don’t seem to give a fuck have not been able to help identify him.

    As tragic as this may be for his family, the general public does not seem to be negatively moved by the news, and in fact, many people have made jokes about it on social media, including praising the shooter’s looks.

    Nobody cares that someone died who didn’t care about others. 

    NYPD has released photos of the alleged gunman who killed the UnitedHealthcare CEO, Brian Thompson. pic.twitter.com/YoYXtjbgfQ

    — Pop Base (@PopBase) December 5, 2024

    This story is a prime example of the hubris of the rich, who somehow think they are immune to a tragic demise. We saw billionaires literally get in a diet submarine manned by an off-brand joystick. This is not only how they decided to spend the money, but also how they decided to no longer make any. Now, obviously, walking out of your hotel room is not the riskiest behavior, but when you deny people lifesaving coverage, you should not be shocked when your life is dangling in the balance.

    Before Brian Thompson was forever relieved of his healthcare, the Department of Justice had already launched an investigation into United Healthcare for insider trading and fraud. Just last month, attorney generals from Maryland, Illinois, New Jersey and New York attempted to block UnitedHealth Group from a $3.3 billion acquisition.

    Thompson and a few of his friends offloaded $100 million in shares of United Healthcare stock, Thompson personally selling $15 million. Two weeks later, the probe was announced, and the stock took a nosedive. It could very well have been someone who lost a lot of money on the fraud or it could have been someone who lost someone they loved.

    You can at least get money back, you can’t get people back, but both are devastating losses.

    Thompson’s fraud alone was sh*tty, but according to his wife, he “touched so many lives,” she did not say if those people were still alive after he touched them. Some would argue that his personal actions do not warrant his death, but they surely don’t warrant his life. Thompson’s wife also stated that he had been receiving threats, which is not unusual for high-powered CEOs—but clearly, sometimes those threats are real, and doing sh*tty things would probably make those threats more likely to come to fruition. Exorbitant amounts of money may buy you out of the law but not out of the laws of physics or man. You will die, and you may not be a decrepit miserly 89-year-old when it finally happens.

    European monarchies were successful at perpetrating hundreds of years of terror because they were able to fool people into thinking that God condoned their mistreatment. People dealt with it because they believed they would eventually be freed in the afterlife. Still, even with a cosign from Sky Daddy G himself, people still killed monarchs.

    When people have nothing to lose, don’t be shocked at the measures they take. When they are already experiencing hell, there is no reason to fear the other side.

    The 1% is so busy being cutthroat that they forget they, too, have jugulars; good riddance. 

    Brian Thompson Department of Justice Thehub.news United Healthcare
    Kyla Jenée Lacey

    Kyla Jenée Lacey is an accomplished third-person bio composer. Her spoken word has garnered tens of millions of views, and has been showcased on Pop Sugar, Write About Now, Buzzfeed, Harper’s Bizarre, Diet Prada, featured on the Tamron Hall show, and Laura Ingraham from Fox News called her work, “Anti-racist propaganda.”. She has performed spoken word at over 300 colleges in over 40 states. Kyla has been a finalist in the largest regional poetry slam in the country, no less than five times, and was nominated as Campus Activities Magazine Female Performer of the Year. Her work has been acknowledged by several Grammy-winning artists. Her poetry has been viewed over 50 million times and even used on protest billboards in multiple countries. She has written for large publications such as The Huffington Post, BET.com, and the Root Magazine and is the author of "Hickory Dickory Dock, I Do Not Want Your C*ck!!!," a book of tongue-in-cheek poems, about patriarchy....for manchildren.

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