Grammy award-winning rapper, Doechii, set off a firestorm when she revealed that being a straight man is a red flag for her in dating. While Doechii herself has not elaborated much further, she has stated in her songs that she likes women and bisexual men.
As a straight woman who dates men—whom I presume to be straight, because you never know—I can kind of understand how that would be a red flag, especially for someone who is openly queer.
While sentiments have changed over the years, it is not a secret that our society is pretty homophobic and the people who are usually most vocal about their disdain for gay people are either men or church goers, or both. The LGBTQ community is not only under constant scrutiny, but its members are often subject to physical, emotional and sexual violence, even at the hands of their own family members.
The LGBTQ community is understandably protective of itself, so Doechii’s caution may be akin to someone open to interracial dating but still worrying about having a potentially racist partner. Moreso, it would be like having a boyfriend who is fine with lesbianism, but two men in a loving relationship is bothersome to him. This isn’t a new phenomenon. Many women, straight or otherwise, have and have had partners who think this way. Mind you, she never said she would not date a straight man, she just said it’s a red flag. Red flags have never stopped people from forgetting that dreams and nightmares can come from the same pretty face.
People marry red flags, every day, B.
Additionally, bigotry is a genre that loves well-roundedness. Bigotry doesn’t just stop at one -ism, when more are available. If someone actively participates in the oppression of a marginalized group and there are several marginalized groups beneath them to choose from, nothing is stopping them from antagonizing whomever they can. Hell, if people can participate in their own hatred, what makes you think that a bigot is concerned with compartmentalization beyond separating the people whom they love from their hatred, sometimes.
Bigotry doesn’t take logic; it just takes hold.
Doechii may have angered people, but if she is unapologetically queer, can her queerness be supported in a healthy way, that doesn’t just involve sex by a completely straight partner? Absolutely. Still, the chances are probably lower than with a queer one. Straight men are not really going to pride parades to support their bisexual female partners in droves. Straight men have historically viewed themselves as the superiors in their communities, whether they were subject to racism or not. While homosexuality has been embraced in certain pockets of history, homophobia can be traced back two millennia ago. Misogyny can be traced back 12,000 years ago.
Are you seeing the trend here?
They’ve survived history as a pair, a consensual coupling, if you will. Additionally, it is hard to imagine that a Grammy award-winning rapper could find many straight men to date, who would not consider her success as a threat to their manhood, hello Nick Cannon. A man who could never see a gay man as his equal will never see a straight woman as one, let alone a queer woman.
