The Surgeon General has even issued a warning.
Last month, United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy released an advisory declaring parental mental health an urgent public health issue in the United States (advisories are reserved for “significant public health challenges that require the nation’s immediate awareness and action” per the Department of Health and Human Services).
It turns out parents are dealing with a debilitating amount of stress and mental health concerns like never before.
According to the report, parents are facing levels of stress that have been building over the past decade. In fact, a survey by the American Psychological Association in 2023 found that 1 in 3 parents are feeling overstretched. Yet, only 20% of the general population reported feeling the same kind of pressure. What’s more, the data has also revealed that 41% of parents say they can’t function most days due to stress, while 48% feel completely overwhelmed by stress every single day.
Murthy, a parent of two young children himself, emphasized the lack of respect for parenting in our society. He stated, “Parenting is often seen as less important and undervalued in today’s world. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
Why is parenting becoming more stressful these days?
The advisory points out several factors that contribute to parents feeling exceedingly overwhelmed and anxious.
1. Parents are working longer hours than ever before but are also spending more time with their kids.
According to the American Time Use Survey, work hours have gone up by 28% for mothers and 4% for fathers from 1985 to 2022. But the interesting part is the time spent directly caring for children has increased by a staggering 40% for moms and 154% for dads during this time period. As a result, parents (especially mothers) are sacrificing their leisure time, quality time with their partner, and even their sleep to achieve their goals. They are putting their own needs aside to prioritize their children and their responsibilities.
2. Parents are pinched financially.
According to a White House briefing, in the past year alone, 24% of parents didn’t have enough money for basic needs like food and rent. In addition, 20% of parents have had a hard time paying for childcare or healthcare for their families. It’s no wonder why, considering how childcare costs in the United States have gone up by 26% in the last decade.
3. They are worried about their children’s safety and well-being.
Three out of four parents find the potential for a school shooting to be a major stressor. Furthermore, 1 in 5 children have specific health issues like asthma, ADHD, anxiety, behavioral problems, learning disabilities or developmental delays. It’s important to note that when a child has one of these conditions, it doubles the likelihood of their parents experiencing mental health concerns too.
4. Parents often feel isolated and lonely.
Moms and dads often find it challenging to balance their responsibilities and still have time to connect with other adults. A survey by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found that 66% of parents admit to feeling lonely, and when it comes to single parents, that number jumps to 77%. In comparison, only 55% of non-parents experience loneliness.
5. Parents are worried about their child’s mental health.
A recent Pew Research survey found that about 76 percent of parents worry about their children experiencing anxiety or depression at some point in their lives. It’s definitely a valid concern, especially considering the mental health crisis that children are facing these days.
6. Parents are now facing additional stressors on top of their already daunting responsibilities of keeping their children safe.
According to a recent survey by Pew Research, 70% of parents say that parenting is more difficult now than it was 20 years ago, and social media and technology are two of the biggest reasons. They are highly concerned about social media use leading to all sorts of problems for their kids like anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, bullying, peer pressure and even exposure to explicit content.
Why should all of this matter to us?
Parents are people too, and it’s crucial to address the challenges they face. Their well-being has a direct impact on the well-being of the next generation.
Studies show that when parents struggle with their mental health, their children are twice as likely to experience mental, behavioral, or developmental issues and four times more likely to have health problems.
It’s important to recognize and support the mental health of parents for the benefit of both themselves and their children, but while we’re waiting for structural and big policy changes to happen, what can we do right now?
Cara Goodwin, Ph. D., a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in child development, child psychology and neuroscience, offers the following advice on how to address our stress today.
1. Acknowledge that parenting is hard, no doubt about it, especially if you live in a country like the United States where support for parents is lacking. If you’re finding it tough, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you or your children; the system itself can often be the obstacle.
2. Remember the importance of connection in reducing stress and improving mental health. We all know how challenging it can be to find time for relationships, especially if you’re a busy parent, but Goodwin offers this tip: try to build connections into your everyday routines. For example, you can talk to a friend on the phone while you fold laundry, schedule regular play dates with other parents and their kids or even get together with a neighbor after your kids go to bed. These small actions can make a big difference in your overall well-being.
3. It’s crucial to educate yourself about different mental health conditions that parents and children may face. If you’re looking for more information, resources like the Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective (BEAM), the Black Mental Health Alliance (BMHA), and the National Institute for Mental Health are great places to start. They offer an abundance of helpful information on common problems like anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder along with providing culturally competent support and access to therapists within our community.
4. Try a different approach to self-care. Carving out time for self-care can sometimes feel like an extra burden for overwhelmed parents. The pressure to wake up at the crack of dawn to exercise or meditate might actually add to your stress levels (or contribute to sleep deprivation, which then leads to more stress).
Instead, try to rethink self-care and find ways to add peace and happiness to your daily routines.
For example, why not listen to an audiobook or a meditation app during your commute to work? Instead of plopping down in front of the TV after dinner, take a leisurely walk with your family. Make running errands more enjoyable by doing them with your partner or a friend. And here’s a sneaky tip: clean the kitchen while your kids are still awake, so you can hit the sack earlier.
Another idea is to involve your children in activities that you love, like baking or gardening. It’s a win-win situation: you get to do something you enjoy, and they get to spend quality time with you.
Now is the time for real change to happen so parents can finally get the support they deserve.
Dr. Murthy summed up the main message of his report with this powerful statement: “Something has to change…Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.”
