We just survived our first week of the year and it has already been a doozy, and I am sure there is more to come. Even though there is little physical change that has happened since last month, people often set resolutions for the new year. I used to disagree with that, and then a few years ago, I realized that I was missing the opportunity to reset, reestablish and refocus; I was missing out on the chance to start anew and attempt to cultivate habits, whether they were new or renewed.
January is derived from the Latin God of doorways and new beginnings, Ianus/Janus, and here are some of the five mental resolutions I hope to put into action this year or keep up from previous ones.
Focus more on the solution than the problem
I have anxiety and bad, and often, it results in disheveled interactions with myself and with my environment. My anxiety can often keep me from performing multiple tasks because I do not know where to start first and so I sometimes fail at starting at all. I realized that I was so focused on how much I had to do that I didn’t focus enough on just doing it, from answering that email to picking up that sock. Focus on the solution.
Congratulate yourself
The world does not need your assistance in beating you down or humbling you. You do not need to facilitate that cause. Celebrate the tiniest of wins, whether it is that email you finally sent or that sock you finally picked up. Reward yourself, even if the prize is simply your glowing words.
Accountability is helpful, not harmful
People often avoid accountability because they want to avoid the feeling of guilt, but that does not stop the guilt from creeping in when you actually sit with what you’ve done. Many people opt to apologize only if they want to be forgiven or feel like not being forgiven is worse than saying nothing.
Apologizing is not about regaining favor, it is about acknowledging harm, it is just as much about validating what you did wrong as it is about acknowledging what you can do better for next time. Far too often, people won’t apologize because either they feel the need to win or instead of apologizing in order to regain the favor of the person whom they’ve harmed, many people would rather stay silent and allow the relationship to completely disintegrate because they stupidly believe that ignoring it will make the person who was harmed eventually forget about it or let it go.
Time is not an apology.
A compliment is not an apology. That person knows you did them wrong, gaslighting them about it is not going to restore their faith in you, in fact, just the opposite. Why not just apologize because it also makes you a better person. Accountability allows me to look at the mess I’ve made and try not to repeat the same mistakes. If I can’t be bad, then I can’t be better.
Do not acknowledge those who refuse to acknowledge the harm they’ve caused you
Boundaries are important, and so is the maintenance of them. If someone crosses the line and refuses to acknowledge the boundary that they have crossed, you have little recourse that they will not do it again. Boundaries are put in place to protect you.
If someone does not respect your protection and safety, whether it be physical or mental, they do not respect you.
Put the phone down and take 15 minutes to work on your dreams
This is one that I admittedly struggle with. I am addicted to my phone much more than I am addicted to working. We have no problem dedicating time to others, even in the most harmful ways but we do not give our own selves 15 minutes a day.
That’s literally 1% of our day.
Meanwhile, that adds up to 91 hours a year working on something that fulfills you and brings you purpose. We dutifully show up for the person who’s paying us but isn’t nearly as disciplined to show up for ourselves. Put the phone down (talking to myself). You do not know the people, and they are not going to miraculously get more interesting, no matter how many times you refresh your phone. The time is going to pass regardless; catch it.
Here’s wishing you a new year and hoping that these affirmations inspire you to affirm yourself, may you be your best and if nothing else, may you at least try your best.
